Karen Answers Diana

Comment by Diana on August 8, 2008 5:21 pm


I’m so thrilled with the opportunity to address my comments to you. I’m an avid reader and sometimes read 10 books in a month. So, I just graabbed the book at the library when I was there, not realizing it was a true story. I was appalled at the book when I began it, but found myself growing intrigued by the possibilities you showed and then I was amazed at how you were able to manage your life.

Congratulations on the completion of your long journey. I was just so amazed at how brilliant you are. Just imagine what wonderful things you might have done as a child if you had been nurtured instead of abused. The alters you created were incredible and so vastly talented. I hope you can now use your brilliant mind to create some wonderful things for the wide world of which you had been so deprived. It seems that your friends must be very privileged to have you as their friend.

We all need close friends. Have you been able to share your stories with anyone besides your therapist and family?

Did your siblings receive any of the physical abuse, even if they weren’t subject to the sexual exploitation? I can’t imagine all this going on around them without them ever asking questions (kids being kids) and seeking answers. Particularly with you being so bright, your brothers must have been bright as well. Didn’t your brothers realize that some of this was going on? With your father as their male role model, I fear how that might have gone, but Dr. Baer never made much reference to them (possibly for their protection). I realize he was able to write about your father and grandfather in a negative way because they are gone. I’m thinking there is more to this story, which is yet to be told…maybe someday.

It also seems to me that perhaps your father and grandfather were of the ilk that also may have been bright and talented and were unable to find an adequate way to channel their minds as with many of the juvenile delinquents who have too many brains and too much time on their hands.

It seems like your story just underlines the idea that abusive children end up being abusive parents. Your grandfather must have been a horror. I think you mentioned your grandmother taking abuse from your grandfather, too. All the women in your family had a really hard time of it. Sounds like Ku Klux Klan type of attitudes personified.

I don’t blame you for your bad relationship with your mother. I realize she may have been abused herself but she should have protected her children any way she could. She must be a very weak woman. I wouldn’t feel guilty at all about not having a relationship with her. She may deserve sympathy, but she doesn’t deserve your affection. Your parents gave you one thing – a will to be a better parent to your own children. Enjoy them.

All in all, I think you’ve come through it amazingly. You had to be a very strong person at birth to be able to save yourself, even as a small child.

Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts. I hope you continue to grow into a healthy, strong, vibrant person who can self-confidently go out into the world and be who you were meant to be! I’ll be here cheering you on! After sharing so much of your past, I’ll be looking to hear about your future accomplishments.

Good luck!

Dear Diana,

Thank you for all your compliments! Your words have touched me. It’s true I had to spend most of my life in survivor mode and didn’t have the chance to accomplish all that I wanted to. My journey has been hard, but I am here now trying my best to “catch up” to where I’d like to be. I often wonder what it would’ve been like to have been nutured instead of abused. I was fortunate to get a sense of being nurtured during my therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer. I believe Dr. Baer’s unconditional care provided me with a sense of who I was meant to be.

My alters were developed in order to help me survive through a difficult, horrific childhood, and help keep me safe until I matured enough to deal with the pain. At this time I am trying to discover all that I am with all the combined talents from each alter. I continue to learn more about myself each day.

I treasure my friends and am honored to have them. During the intense part of therapy, I tried my best not to bring my distress into my friendships. When the book was finished, I held my breath and prayed that they would continue to care about me after reading my horrific story. My story isn’t always a pleasure to read. All of the friends I chose to share with have accepted me still and continue to be great support. I am very grateful, and I love them all. My friends have become my family.

My siblings suffered physical abuse at the hands of my father. My siblings, like myself, each have had their own journeys to go through. There is no way my siblings couldn’t be affected having had the same abusive father, grandfather, and dysfunctional family. My brothers didn’t have a positive father role model. How could they? They always suspected something was happening to me while we were children, and now can easily put two and two together that they are adults. They observed my father’s abusive behavior on a daily basis, and heard his sexually abusive comments against me, my mother, and all women. These men were immature, insecure abusers who tortured those close to them because they were easiest to control and gain access to.

Thank you again for all of yours thoughts. And especially for encouraging me to move forward in confidence.

All the Best,



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