Karen Answers Edward

Comment by Edward on August 25, 2008 2:52 pm
Karen,

The world is unfair, people are unfair, and reality sucks.

Why kill a good thing and integrate? How do you deal with reality without dissociation? Do you ever hate that you survived? The book is awesome but must have been emotionally challenging with many ill effects. If you were to do it again, would you? I cannot stop wondering if you are, indeed, well?

Edward

Dear Edward,

Interesting thoughts. Yes, reality is hard to deal with at times. But somehow we deal with it. All any of us can do is try to survive in the best way we can. I did when I created the alters to help me survive a horrific childhood. As a child using dissociation as a coping mechanism, I believe it worked wonders. As an adult, not so much. With alter help, I was spared the pain and memories of the abuse I suffered. However, as an adult this coping mechanism was no longer necessary and caused more chaos than it helped. I was exhausted, stressed, and depressed all the time. This wasn’t the way to live my life after surviving all that I did.

Integration was necessary for me to become one woman. Losing time again and again was no fun. I felt horrible not knowing what I had done during the day, and every night I’d worry whether I’d done something wrong. Since integration, it’s been very difficult handling everything on my own. Sometimes I again wish I could escape from myself. But I try to stay optimistic.

I’m not sure what you meant by: “If you were to do it again, would you?” If you’re referring to whether or not I would share my story again, yes, I would. Not only do I believe my story will benefit others, but it has also made me a stronger woman. If you’re referring to integrating, yes I would do that again, too. I really had no choice. I continue to do the best I can to live my life in full.

Karen

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2 Comments

  1. hi karen,

    i have been touched by your story and truly respects how you have survived the ordeal.

    all the best in your future endeavours and i know faith will bring you there.

    lyndsie

  2. Hi Karen,
    I read your book last year and I have to admit it was difficult. I too was raised in a home that was at times abusive. In fact I am still living at home. I know it would probably be helpful to go see a mental health professional but I can’t because my mom will want to get involved. I am 18 but I still feel like a child. Well that’s actually inaccurate, I feel more like a parasite. I also lose track of time, sometimes for hours, but I won’t entertain the idea that I could be sick. My question is do you think it would be easier to just end it all or would it be better to try and go see someone? Also could you please email me if it all possible? I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this.


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