Karen Answers Brice

Comment by Brice on September 2, 2008 4:19 am
Dear Karen,

I am writing this still in shock? I feel dumfounded. How can you live with knowing what happened to you in your past? I read somewhere that you still hurt sometimes. I can imagine how alone you must feel. Who could possibly understand you and who could possibly trust you knowing where you came from? Do your friends fear you? Could you attack or kill them if you wanted to? What would push you to your limits now? I find it difficult to understand how nice you seem to be in your writing. Is this really you or not?

Brice

Dear Brice,

Wow! You’ve put a lot of thought into asking these questions! I’m shocked by them, but I’ll try to answer them for you. I can understand your concerns about me. It’s hard to believe something so horrific can actually happen to a child, and that child can somehow survive to live a normal life.

You ask how I could live after all that had happened to me. I live very cautiously and try to be the best person I can be. I believe that all people need to be treated kindly and with respect. I try not to dwell on all that has happened to me. Sure, there are many times a memory is triggered, but I deal with it and move on. I admit, I continue to struggle, and I often feel alone. However, I’m fortunate to have learned many ways to help myself, and when I can’t, I am even more fortunate to have Dr. Baer and my friends to help me through.

It’s not in my nature to strike back, even with all my hurt. I think my friends trust me. I’d never intentionally hurt anyone. I’d hurt myself before even thinking of hurting someone else. I admit, during therapy the urge to kill my abusers was there, but not in a realistic way. Dr. Baer always told me ” These thoughts are okay, but acting on them is not.”

And, yes, Brice, I hope I am a nice person, the same person who answers these questions. Thank you for asking questions most would dare not ask.

Karen

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