Karen Answers Angelina B.

Comment by Angelina B. on September 22, 2008 3:42 am

Just finished reading Switching Time, and it was very interesting and powerful. I am happy to hear you are here and able to share your story. Did you realize that you alone can empathize with many different levels of abuse? You were abused as a child, and as an adult an so many different ways in between. You are inspiration to all woman! I only wish to have had your strength to survive. I am a victim, too. I still suffer twenty two years after one episode of abuse. I feel unclean and every relationship I have with my potential man of my dreams, ends in distress, because I never feel good about the sexual stuff. I mean, when a guy is in the mood, the last thing he wants to know is that you were abused as a child, right? I tried to not share this huge problem in my past but it always shows thru eventually. A guy can tell. I know this may be a personal question to ask but do you still have problems with intimate relationships?

Angelina B.

Dear Angelina,

Thank you for your kind words! I am glad that I am here and able to share my story. I hadn’t thought of myself as having suffered from many types of abusive relationships, but I guess you’re right. My illness turned out to be a life saver and an amazing way for me to cope with many years of being abused. I’m sorry to hear that you suffered an abusive episode. As your words show, it doesn’t matter how many times it happens, once is too much, and enough to produce lasting damage. I know how hard it is to feel clean and good about oneself after being abused. You are not alone, and I know it is very sad.

I am not a counselor and can’t give you advice, but I believe therapy could help you understand the feelings of low self-esteem you have regarding the sexual stuff. Perhaps you can work this through so that it doesn’t come up and derail your relationships. You never know, seeking help may strengthen you into finding happiness in intimate relationships. But when the time comes to share this in your relationship, this issue would need to be discussed so your partner doesn’t feel as if he’s the one who hurt you or is responsible for your feelings. I believe there’s never a good time to discuss past abuse, it’s an extremely sensitive issue, but it may need to be done.

It is my hope that the man of my dreams will someday love and accept me for who I am. Intimate relationships continue to be a challenge for me, but I have faith and know it’s not only possible but something I now can long for. I have all the feelings, thoughts, and desires of a woman. I have greatly healed from my past and look forward towards my future.

I wish you happiness,


1 Comment

  1. Hi Karen, I love coming to this site and reading all the questions and your wonderful answers you give each person. I was just wondering how your physical health is doing these days? I get migrain headaches about once a month but I can usually get rid of them with rest and relaxation. I also wanted to know since I feel your a sensative like myself if you have to be careful with certain foods in your diet that can trigger headaches or make you feel sick. Blessings to you~~Cynthia

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