Karen Answers Maggie

Comment by Maggie on September 22, 2008 11:30 pm

Hi Karen,

Maggie

This book is enough to give one a heart attack, and its just what people need to read. True horror that comes from child sexual abuse. Through this book I have learned the extent of what can happen to a child who is repeatedly abused. I never knew that the mind can be so utterly fascinating. I agree that you felt lucky to survive through dissociation. I read most of your interviews and viewed Good Morning America. I have a few questions for you. Do you still have a hard time trusting people? Do you still trust Dr. Baer? I loved the part about the Christmas tie. Does he still have the Christmas tie the alters bought him? Can you elaborate more about the specialness of the tie? Thank you.

Dear Maggie,

Yes, I still have a hard time trusting people, although I do take more chances in building trust than I did before.  There was a time I trusted no one; then I built trust with Dr. Baer, and yes, I still trust him.  It was in building trust with Dr. Baer that I learned how to trust others.  I have learned what to look for in relationships, and have formed new friendships.  I am blessed.

Dr. Baer’s Christmas gift tie is a memory I will always treasure.  It was the very first time my alters had agreed and worked together on something positive and special.  This was important to me for I feared some of the alters didn’t like Dr. Baer, nor did they always agree about where our therapy might lead: integration.  I believe this act of compassion and wonder was a turning point in our therapeutic relationship.  For me, it meant we, all the parts of me, had bonded with someone, Dr. Baer, for the first time ever.

Most the child alters feared men in ties, particulary red ties.  I believe this tie, red background with designs of children on it, meant this fear was removed.  I recall the exciting feeling I felt as I drove to see Dr. Baer that day.  I felt so calm and accepted.  And as silly as this tie looked, I never realized how special it was until years later.  I remember the look on Dr. Baer’s face when he read the letter and opened his present: it was priceless, and I felt truly cared for. Whenever I think back to that moment, tears come to my eyes, and I smile.

I think Dr. Baer still has this tie.  Dr. Baer saved most everything I gave him, enough to fill a four drawer filing cabinet!  And I know this tie was very special to him, too. 

Thank you for your encouraging words and for asking these questions, 

Karen

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