Karen Answers Denise

Comment by Denise on October 12, 2008 2:46 pm
Hi Karen,

When you were in therapy what would happen if your therapist wasn’t there when you arrived? Would your alters ruin things for you because of him? I have been going to therapy for over three years and diagnosed with DID. My therapist is always late and I am beginning to hate him. I get so frustrated that when he finally shows up I can’t speak or forgot what I wanted to discuss. I write notes to myself to help. I may quit. Any comments that could help me? I hate thinking of starting again. My alters don’t care at least this is what my therapist told me. I don’t even think I have alters. Maybe I am being played by him. He keeps telling me I need to come more but one a week is enough aggravation. My therapist thinks more of himself than me. I wish my therapist was like yours because you were lucky, mine causes me grief. Do you know of any good doctors in the South Bend area?

Thank you for this story. It will help me more than my therapist.


Dear Denise,

I’m sorry to hear that your therapist doesn’t respect you. In order to build trust, there must be mutual respect between both therapist and patient. I believe lateness, especially if consistant, is a sign of disrespect. I was fortunate that Dr. Baer respected me and never left me feeling frustration and anger because of lateness. I believe Dr. Baer knew how fragile my alters and I could be if he weren’t there on time. I am grateful that in the eighteen years of therapy, Dr. Baer may have been five minutes late twice, and each time, he called me.

Therapy in itself can be emotionally draining. Adding the stress of lateness to any therapeutic relationship must be dealt with. I suggest you share these feelings of distress, frustration, and the fact his lateness is preventing you from working through your own sense of well being, with your therapist. And if this issue doesn’t resolve, then maybe it’s best to search for someone who better suits your needs. I’m sure there are many good therapists in the South Bend area. What’s most important is finding the right therapist for you.

I’m concerned that you’re not sure whether or not you have alters and that your doctor believes you need more therapy than once a week. This is a much bigger issue than his lateness. Have you discussed this diagnosis with him? I am not a therapist, but what you shared with me doesn’t sound right. Please seek another opinion if you can. Therapists can suggest the presence of alters to patients when none exist. This is a danger; if this is the case with you, find a qualified therapist. Try contacting the state psychiatric society for a referral.

I wish you all the best in your journey to wellness,



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