Karen answers Karla W.

Comment by Karla W on October 28, 2008 11:25 am

Hi Karen!

This is great, you providing insight to your life before and after integration. I loved the mind tease your book gave me. It’s so interesting to read about how your mind set you up for survival purposes. I have these questions regarding memory. Do you believe in false memory syndrome and the possibilty it might have pertained to you? I don’t see anything that would suggest this and know how trauma experienced can make an dent in your mind. How would you explain your remembering all the details so vividly? Is this unusual or talent? Also how has your memory been seen integration? Do you have lapses or continue to remember all?

Thank you,

Karla W.

 

Dear Karla,

I have heard of false memory syndrome, but in my case this isn’t so.  Unfortunately, I can remember the details of all that happened to me because of the traumatic nature of each abusive episode.  My alters kept most of my life fragmented until integration when each alter’s memory fragments combined to become complete memories for me.  I am clear about all that happened to me and have verified much of it.

I’m not sure how to explain how I remember so much.  I wish I couldn’t.  What I do know is my mind never stops recalling, thinking, and processing information.  My mother and grandmother have amazing memories, and told stories of all that had happened in each of their lives during their childhoods and the war.  Until the day my grandmother passed, at age 98, she was fully aware of her surroundings, had an amazing memory, would recite poems, and shared her childhood stories in vivid detail.  I guess in runs in the family.

Since integration, I remember all of my past, but I don’t have a very good sense of the passage of time.  For me, all that I’ve experienced and known continues to feel as if it wasn’t that long ago that I suffered.  I don’t think of these bad times on a daily basis, but much of the past continues to be triggered at inconvenient times.  These moments pass very quickly, but during the moment may overwhelm me.   I continue to work on trying to understand the passage of time.  I wish I could forget the past. Then again, I am who I am, which includes me and all my past memories.

Thank you for your interesting questions,

Karen

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