Karen answers Laura

Comment by Laura on November 5, 2008 2:57 am

Karen,

When you were in pain as a divided person would you claim the rare illness ceda? The illness where you never feel physical pain? Or was your pain mind controlled? I have DID and can not feel pain as I should and this causes some very serious problems if I don’t check myself regularly. What did you do with the pain? I have to say it helped my being abused in childhood. How do you experience pain and pleasure?

Laura

Dear Laura,

I haven’t heard of ceda, but this was not me.  I was capable of feeling pain, but my pain was dissociated by alternate parts of me. I dissociated my pain in order to survive.  This was done out of my awareness; it was a mental coping mechanism and not a physical abnormality.

As a multiple personality switching time, I was unable to feel pain in the same way most feel pain.  My pain was there, but I was able to temporarily push it aside and feel nothing.  Sometimes I couldn’t even describe to a doctor what my pain was like in order to help myself.  My pain was unexplainable and inconsistent.

Having my pain temporarily removed during my being abused did help, but I’ll never be sure if this was finally helpful.  I sometimes wonder whether if I felt the actual pain I would have screamed, sought help, and maybe been helped by someone who heard me.  There is a good reason we all need to feel pain.  I was unable to learn how to get away, cope, stop the cycle of abuse.

Since the integration of my alters I experience pain as pain, pleasure as pleasure.  That’s how it should be. 

Karen

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