Karen answers Jasmine

Comment by Jasmine on November 21, 2008 10:39 pm

Hi Karen,

I just finished reading your book. I cant believe you survived all this stuff. Are you like the strongest woman on earth? I know my life was bad not compared to yours but bad in a different way. My boyfriend hits me all the time. Today I have displayed one black eye and a busted lip. He hit me because we live together and I have a cold and didnt make him dinner last night. I guess I deserved it, huh? I read your book and my question is how long should I take being beaten by my boyfriend? I am not strong like you so how did you decide when it was the right time?


Dear Jasmine,

No, I am not the strongest woman on earth, just one of many.  All women, each of us, has a unique personal strength and individual determination to survive if we want to.  I admit, it’s easy to blame ourselves for the acts of others.  I know how being abused can wear one’s spirit down.

I am so sorry to hear your boyfriend abuses you.  It’s never okay to suffer abuse at the hands of anyone, especially a boyfriend. I can’t speak for you and have made many mistakes myself, however, if I had known beforehand how being abused would’ve affected me all through my life, I would’ve reported my abuse to the police much earlier, like after the first time my husband hit me.  Please don’t blame yourself that your boyfriend hurt you. Even if you do something to anger him, he has lots of choices on how to handle his response, and striking you is never an appropriate one.  Have faith, believe in yourself, do the right thing, and leave him. You can be strong, too!

It was during therapy that I first learned that being abused was not okay, for any reason. I had to come to accept that I was being mistreated. No woman deserves to be hurt, ever!  You have asked me how long you should take the abuse.  In my opinion, not more than one second.  I would end this abusive relationship immediately. I don’t believe your boyfriend respects you, for if he did, you two would’ve discussed the issues between you in an adult way without violence.  There is never room for disrespect and abuse.

The right time to do something is now!  Be safe, trust your instincts, and seek professional help.  I wish you my best.



1 Comment

  1. Dear Karen, and Jasmine,

    Great sound advice for Jasmine and all of us women who were abused! You are so kind to share the personal faults and mistakes you made, to help abused women like us. No woman needs to take abuse. There are no ‘this is a man’s world’ reason these days. Woman are equal and should never allow a man to intimidate them. I happened to have been abused by a boyfriend many years ago until one day I said NO MORE and ended the relationship. I would be abused by him, go through an interlude, and back to being abused again. I have never allowed this to happen again.

    Karen, I continue to read your blog at least once a week. Your story was phenomenal! The book was excellent. I admire you and Richard for writing this book and blog.

    Jasmine, run away from the idiot, go quickly before the holidays draw you into believing your in love. Abuse is not love. How dare your boyfriend hit you because you were sick and didn’t make dinner! What an idiot! Lose him!

    Another Strong Woman

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