Karen answers Deborah

Comment by Deborah on November 25, 2008 1:30 pm

Dear Karen,

It’s nice you answer everyone, including the bad ones, as dear so an so. It shows me you respect us who read the ST blog. I bet this you learned from being in therapy? I am in therapy with a doctor who is going through some kind of personal drama. My doctor broke apart and is now taking a few weeks off. I suspect it’s midlife or male men-o-pause. I started with his replacement two weeks ago and find she is a better fit for me. I learned this from one of your answers. I wanted to thank you for making me aware of what a good therapist is and how to find one. I worry about hurting my real therapist, we have been together for four years. What would you do if you were put in my place? Did Dr. Baer ever leave you for a period of time with another therapist? My first therapist did help me, except for when he yells at me to grow up. I am twenty nine and diagnosed with DID. I have six alters, four children, one adult and one dog. The children, 6, 7, 10, 12 come out a lot with him, the adult usually doesn’t, the dog does.

Thank you.


Dear Deborah,

Thank you for your compliments! I didn’t learn to be nice in therapy, it’s just the way I’ve always been. Despite all that has happened to me, I’ve always believed we all should try to be nice to each other. Of course, being nice all the time can have draw backs when people hurt you. I was fortunate Dr. Baer never left me in the hands of another therapist. There were times he gave me someone to call in his absence when he’d be on vacation, but I never called. As long as I knew how long he would be away and had the next session scheduled, I would be okay.

Dr. Baer never brought any personal drama into my therapy. The therapeutic relationship is supposed to help you heal, not the doctor. Maybe your doctor just needs some time off. After all, he’s human and things happen.

I wonder how your alters will react to a change of therapist? I believe my alters wouldn’t have been so easy to persuade. Please take care in making your decision.

Dr. Baer and I went through some rough patches during our therapeutic relationship. We worked everything out together, and through continuing therapy with him, without running away from it, that eventually helped me feel safe enough to heal. I needed consistency, and Dr. Baer tried his best to provide it.

You have asked what I would do, if I were you? I would talk to my therapist about switching therapists. I don’t think a therapist yelling at a patient is ever appropriate. But I believe in talking it out and not allowing ill feelings to fester. Maybe your therapist feels distant because he’s burned out? Maybe, his yelling at you was a part of this? Whatever it is, you need to discuss this with him.

I wish you a safe journey.



1 Comment

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    Karen answers Deborah | Switching Time

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