Karen answers Lois

Comment by Lois on December 14, 2008 1:43 am

Karen,

It’s December and I am depressed. It’s Christmas and I am depressed. I am a multiple. a part of a person and six out of ten of us are depressed. not depressed. not depressed. depressed. depressed. depressed. depressed. depressed. not depressed. not depressed. In the book you claimed to be depressed a lot. How many of you suffered from depression? Any at the same time? All at the same time? What kind of drug creates relief when so many suffer? When it comes to depression who made the decision not to die? If one other was severely depressed how could another change their mind?

Lois

Dear Lois,

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling depressed. I can understand how stressful the holidays can be for some people and especially for someone who suffers from multiplicity as you do, and as I once did.  I felt very depressed at times, and some of my alters felt worse than others.  I can’t explain this and don’t really remember how many of my alters suffered from depression, and whether they suffered at the same time.  All I know is I felt depressed most of the time during my therapy.

I don’t believe any medication ever helped me with my depression.  I don’t remember whether I actually took the prescriptions given to me.  Most of the medicine bottles stayed full until I threw them away.  Maybe there was a medication that could’ve helped if I’d taken it, but I’ll never be sure of this.

I felt suicidal quite often, but to my knowledge I never actually attempted it.  I had the thoughts but never took action. I believe my alters, Holdon and Katherine, prevented it. Whenever I felt down and suicidal, I would call Dr. Baer.  I believe it was Dr. Baer’s guidance of my alters that kept me alive.  After we’d talked, my thoughts and feelings would settle down, reality would come back, and I’d understand where my suicidal thoughts came from.  Almost always, my thoughts came from my past and didn’t belong in the present.

Thank you for sharing,

Karen

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