Karen answers Cassie

Comment by Cassie on December 18, 2008 4:28 am

Hi Karen,

Despite integration what was the hardest part of therapy?  I cant stand my

therapist, he makes me ill, he thinks he?s the most handsome man on earth..

I’ve had three previous male therapists, all think they are great, why are

most male therapists so stuck up?  How did you get past the attitude?  I know

there had to be an attitude with Dr. Baer because he shows it in the book.  I

feel sorry for what you had to deal with.

Cassie

Dear Cassie,

For me, the hardest part of therapy was sharing my pain. I never wanted to tell what happened to me. During the first few years of therapy I had the fear that at any moment Dr. Baer would become disgusted with me and tell me to leave.  I worried I was too much for anyone. I had never shared my past before and believed no one could handle hearing about it. I believed no one else should hurt because of my pain, especially Dr. Baer, who listened time and again to the details as I shared them in therapy.  It’s because of this fear that it took me years before I built trust and knew Dr. Baer wasn’t going to give up on me.

I can understand you picking up on the arrogance of your male therapists. I, too, felt this way about Dr. Baer early in therapy. Although my feelings may very well have come from the anger I felt towards the men who once abused me and not Dr. Baer.  I believe this is called transference. I don’t believe Dr. Baer was stuck up but I do believe he exuded confidence, and it’s because he appeared secure and stable that I chose him to accompany me on my journey. Dr. Baer is a handsome man, but it was his confidence that made him handsome to me and not particularly his looks.  I believe it’s what’s within you that defines your appearance.

As far as getting over Dr. Baer’s attitude, there’s nothing to get over.  He is who he is, and he has been there for me through thick and thin.  When I didn’t want to live, he unconditionally cared for me when no one else could. Dr. Baer is my mentor, my confidant, my trusted friend, and we share a special bond.

There’s no need to feel sorry for me, I had the most amazing luck in finding the right therapist. I surely would’ve given up long ago if it weren’t for Dr. Baer’s help. I hope you find a way to have success with your therapist.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

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2 Comments

  1. Karen,

    Thank you. As a therapist, who happens to be a male, it was enlightening to read your answer. As a therpist. male or female. it is not our intent to display arrogance or appear that way. Therapist’s are trained to listen to their patients and not bring their true selves into the therapy. When a patient decides on therapy it’s because they need help, and it’s our job to provide this help. I read Switching Time. I respect Dr. Richard Baer for the consistency he provided during your treatment. As for you, Karen, I am one male therapist who has learned from reading your story the depth of pain suffered from abuse. I had my doubts about MPD and have gained respect for Dr. Baer and his work. I haven’t provided care to a patient with this illness as of date, but if I ever should, I will provide better care because of reading Switching Time. I am interested in learning more.

  2. I am currently working with a woman therapist who has a definite attitude! However it is her strength and confidence in me that helps me get through these very difficult sessions. I am in the middle of my fourth year of therapy with her (twice a week) and am just starting to get some of the memories from my alters and beginning the process of being aware of what goes on when the alters are out! I have a long way and a rough road ahead of me, Thank God for these wonderful therapists who have the patience, strength perseverence to help us through this painful process.


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