Karen answers Elvira

Comment by Elvira on January 6, 2009 3:18 pm

Hi Karen,

Dates, do you remember all dates like Claireʼs date of abuse?  Today marks the 45th.anniversary of the day my father raped me at eight years old. I never forget this stupid date. What happened long ago tortures me till now. I am 53 years old tomorrow 7 Jan. I thought you may be helpful in sharing your secret of forgetting dates or how you get past the dates of pain. I am inspired by you. I never set foot in a therapists office. Itʼs to late for me but so many woman ache like me and you. What do you do with the dates?


Dear Elvira,

Of course I remember some dates; it’s hard not to!  There are dates that trigger a memory of my past, such as Halloween, but I try to let these dates go. On the anniversary of any particular day that I suffered traumatic abuse there may be a few seconds of dark thoughts that trigger a dark memory, but I always try my best to remove these thoughts and move onto something more pleasant.  I refuse to dwell on the past anymore.  Why should any of us give power to an abuser because of a memory of being abused?  It will only bring us down.  I believe in remembering dates of accomplishments.  It’s these that are to be recognized and celebrated.

I can understand how the date you can never forget resurfaces over and over again. If I were you, I would try to do something different or fun on that date to begin to replace the old memory with a new, fresh one. I have fought hard to do this myself and it seems to work most of the time.  It is possible. Please don’t give up.

May I suggest you seek some professional advice?  It’s never, ever, too late to seek help!  Please do!  It’s very important to gain a sense of closure for yourself.  Whatever it takes to rid these memories that torture must come from within you. You can accomplish peace, with help, and letting go.

Wishing you a safe journey,



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