Karen answers NAW

Comment by Dolly on March 26, 2009 2:34 pm

Okay Karen,

Richard Baer is great. I can tell by your answers how much he has done for you. I can tell he means a lot to you. I would like to know how you, someone who was so abused found a non abusive doctor? If you are a real multiple personality you would choose an abusive doctor to treat you not one you grow to trust and respect. Doesn’t being abused attract more abuse? I want to know what you consider non abusive behavior. I want to know if your definition of abuse is different than mine. I thought multiple personalities look for the same character in their doctor that was like their abusers. If you liked your doctor from the start then he is abusive because you didn’t know non-abusive behavior. Don’t you think you chose him to work for you because you sensed he was a abuser?

NAW

Dear NAW,

I appreciate your asking these challenging questions. There are many misconceptions regarding how those of us who were once abused choose how to find and receive help. I’ve been fortunate to have had alters who were created to help me survive being abused as a child. Alters are created to help the victim overcome and survive through dissociation.

My alter’s gathered their good traits by absorbing the good from good people,  and through fantasy of what a real family should be like. I longed for help in a respectful way. By the time I met Dr. Baer, my alters and I knew what we needed in order to succeed.  We chose Dr. Baer to accompany us after observing him for awhile, before revealing the truth of our past abuse. It was difficult at first to let my guard down and build trust with him. Building trust with Dr. Baer did not come immediately, it took a few years. During that time “we” (meaning my alters and me) survived on blind faith and grew to believe he would not abandon or betray us.

It’s really hard for me to explain the enormous struggle it was to keep on going to therapy. There were so many times I wanted to give up. Somehow my alters believed Dr. Baer wouldn’t let us down. Dr. Baer was the first male I ever met that didn’t physically abuse me, verbally assault me, or degrade or humiliate me. That is how I built trust. I fed on his strength and good will, and he stayed consistent without harming me. During the therapeutic relationship there were times I thought he might turn on me, but he never did. After realizing I would be safe in his care I started to share my past.

I was somewhat lucky to find Dr. Baer.  I didn’t even meet him until that first day of therapy. I was referred to work with him by another psychiatrist. However, I admit, the first day I walked into his office I didn’t like him very much. I thought he was standoffish, rude, arrogant, and selfish because he was formal and matter of fact. Then I realized that was part of a psychiatrist’s job. I learned that I had projected those feelings onto him because of my hatred for men. I thought he was a threat to my system. He wasn’t. Together, we worked very hard to heal me. We respected each other’s time. I still believe Dr. Baer was God sent.

It is my hope that my answers satisfied your curiosity. Please know that multiples don’t wish to seek out abusive relationships in any form, although they sometimes tend to stay in them when they’re in one. A multiple will always sense trouble immediately and want to run. The alters of a multiple seek to be treated with dignity and respect. Trust is very difficult for any multiple to obtain. It takes hard work and persistence to live in a multiple’s world. The will to live is hidden in dark corners and needs to be discovered slowly.  

Karen

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1 Comment

  1. several years ago , I lost myself also , It’s a hard time. It took me a long time to recover myself.


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